Author Archives: Bangkok Glutton

Pomfret in a pickled plum broth at Hia Wan Khao Tom Pla

It’s taken me a while to recognize that the nearly month-long period I’ve spent on my couch watching Netflix is not, actually, mental health “me time”, but really depression. The reasons why could be any number of things (my husband blames CNN), but that’s really secondary. It’s the realization that counts.

It took me long enough.  I mean, the signs were all staring at me in the face. Binging the first season of “Gilmore Girls” and forming strong opinions on the sub-par quality of Lorelai Gilmore’s friendships with other women? Watching and re-watching “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” for fashion tips from Aunt Zelda and Madame Satan? Watching any episodes of “The Good Witch” ever, at all? (1. These are all Netflix-related; 2. yes, I have watched every episode of “The Good Witch” ever made; 3. and no, I have not found a suitable replacement, Netflix suggestions be damned). It’s become obvious I have been depressed, and for a while now. The silver lining is that the sooner it’s recognized, the sooner I can find a solution. Of course, my solution mostly involves food.

I unpeeled myself from my couch long enough to trek to Chan Road yesterday, a heroic Odysseus-like journey that for me involves a couple of motorcycles and multiple Skytrain stops. The reason why stemmed from an iPhone message I saved from February 2017 courtesy of my friend Nat, who said that fairly authentic (what a loaded word) Teochew food could be found at Hia Wan Khao Tom Pla (2 Thanon Chan, 02-211-0829). I am no expert on the cuisine of the Teochew region (where most Chinese-Thais hail from), but I can say with certainty that this spot checks all the boxes that one would expect from a great fish porridge place: the ice-laden front counter bearing all the fresh varieties of fish on offer (in this case, grouper, regular pomfret and deep-sea pomfret), the gentleman owner overseeing all from a perch behind the cook station, fresh bateng (soy-glazed pork) to accompany every bowl of porridge, and brown bean sauce (here, two varieties: regular and slightly spicy) on every table.

Bateng on display

There’s more. The place is almost strikingly clean, even by Thai shophouse standards: gleaming tabletops, obsessively tidy dining accoutrements. Besides the namesake fish porridge — heavy on the deep-fried garlic flavor, rife with thin-cut slices of fresh pomfret, perfect with the slightly spicier brown bean sauce — “recommended dishes” include a plethora of spicy salads (yum) of various varieties of seafood as well as different seafood steamed with glass vermicelli (ob woonsen). There are special soups of gently poached pomfret in a pickled plum broth, fragrant with lots of ginger and Chinese celery. They even allow you to make-your-own-porridge, mixing and matching all of the ingredients displayed in front. And it’s a Michelin Bib Gourmand eatery, a fact I discovered from the cover of their menu. It’s hard not to find something to like, as long as it’s seafood.

As for the depression, I am taking it day by day. I have stopped listening to Post Malone, or reading about Lena Dunham. I am making time for friends. I am trying to limit my CNN time. I still find Chris Cuomo sort of attractive, but I am working on it. There is no cure-all for something like this. There is just the motivation to find a reason to peel oneself off of the couch, every day, whether it is fish porridge, or going to the gym, or buying a bag of Doritos.

Pink-hued “chor chompoo” stuffed with salmon and macadamia nuts at Blue Elephant

(Lunch courtesy of Blue Elephant and the lovely Susie H. at Krinbourne Kommunications)

This is going to be a post about women’s stuff, so if you’re not really into that, feel free to nope on out of here:

My husband tells me that winter is coming — this weekend, in fact, when the Thai weather service apparently predicts the temperature will fall to a relatively chilly 16 degrees Celsius. Of course, this is the same weather service that said the rains were going to stop two days ago.

This will be a nice reprieve for me, since I’m so het up about other stuff. Stuff like douchenozzle dudes who get to rest easy, secure in the knowledge that they will always prevail, their bumps and bruises smoothed away by people tripping over themselves to apologize for any hurt feelings. At the other end of the equation, all those scary elevator screamers who are shouting without smiling or even putting on makeup or bothering to look nice, well, they are very rude and, of course, paid, but so bad at their jobs that they aren’t paid, which is even worse than being paid. That nasty George Soros, always stiffing those contractors at his lousy casinos! The pretext behind all of this, for women only of course, is SHUT YOUR MOUTH. This system was not designed for you.

This is stirring up a lot of stuff for me, so I’ve had a lot to chew on (in every sense) for the past couple of weeks. I’m remembering all sorts of stuff, from the iffy (interviews scheduled in hotel rooms, corporate comms types who pulled me aside at conferences for one-on-one interviews with their bosses) to squicky (the PR exec who made me climb over him to get out of a taxi, the fund manager who freaked my editors out so much they drove me home) to totally gross (the groom’s friend who dragged me onto his lap). I know I’m not alone.

So now is a time for some self-care. Some things I’ve been doing, in no particular order:

1. Listening to a lot of Rage Against the Machine, especially “Know Your Enemy” and “Wake Up”. I find it relaxing.
2. Yoga. Lots and lots of yoga.
3. Drinking like I’m Brett Kavanaugh at Beach Week, brah!

It’s also a good idea to celebrate and support strong women who are working to do good things for other women and are, quite simply, good at their jobs. Every year, Chef Nooror Somany Steppe of Blue Elephant presents a “Go Pink” menu to mark “Breast Cancer Awareness month” in October, with proceeds earmarked for the National Cancer Institute of Thailand.

Grilled baby scallops with turmeric

The menu is available for all of October and offers up a good-looking pile of food. Not only do you get to drown all your feelings in deliciousness like grilled fresh river prawns, dressed with a tart grated salad of Jerusalem artichoke, or a rich Rama II-era beef curry stewed in cinnamon and coconut milk, but you can also tell yourself this is all good for you — the ingredients are specifically selected for their antioxidant or health-affirming properties — while helping to boost the fight against breast cancer in the process. It’s a win-win situation, which is becoming increasingly rare.

Dessert of sago with gingko nuts and young coconut

(Photo by Susie Hansirisawasdi)

Boat noodles without broth at Guaythiew Ruea Gati Sod

I left my house this morning in a foul mood following a few hours’ worth of CNN, prepared to kick in the face of any man who gave me cause. After reaching my destination and spending a mere few minutes discussing the ins and outs of Thai food, I returned home in a far rosier mindset. Food can do that for you. That’s what I like about it. It’s the equivalent of puppy and kitten videos and an afternoon spent watching Youtube videos of people attempting yoga moves that are far too advanced and falling, but not falling so badly that they seriously injure themselves, because we are nice people and not gaslighting douchebags who get defensive when asked about beer.

There goes my mood again. Let’s focus on some other things that make us happy when we’re in a bad mood, like (many) glasses of wine or 45 minutes of extremely mild cardio. Watching Lifetime channel specials featuring gourmet detectives or witches with magical powers whose most serious problem is when a rare flower gets cut in the public park. Listening to Aretha Franklin’s version of “I Say a Little Prayer”. Hugging my children. Did I mention wine earlier?

And of course, stuffing my face. What is so great about Thailand is that there are so many different ways to go, and they are all good. One of these ways is boat noodles, which sprouted up around the 1940s as small bowls served by canal-faring vendors who thickened the broth with a splash of pork or beef blood. These noodles remain popular, renowned particularly in the Victory Monument area, but they also have a following in other waterborne areas such as Ayutthaya.

Nakhon Nayok is another such place, generously studded with waterlogged rice paddies and shot through by the (what else) Nakhon Nayok River. Not surprisingly, then, boat noodles also figure here, but there is a type of boat noodle that is not served anywhere else. Called “Guaythiew Ruea Gati Sod” (boat noodles with fresh coconut milk), the vendor claims to make it from an “ancient recipe”, but a little questioning will tell you that she actually invented the noodles herself.

Adding the coconut milk to the noodles is not for everyone: it smoothes over all of boat noodles’ hard edges and sweetens the broth, sort of like khao soy without all the texture or garnishes. But if you are looking for something different, or if you prefer your noodles sans broth, simply a good bowl of boat noodles, trek over to Thanon Yai Lumlukka between Klongs 9 and 10, soak in the view out over the river, and treat yourself to a bowl or three of noodles, both with broth and without. You will probably leave in a better mood than when you came.

In coconut milk broth, with shredded basil leaves