Category Archives: food stalls

Community service

Shrimp paste fried rice at Sid Paak

Shrimp paste fried rice at Sid Paak

This morning, at a family gathering over breakfast, my husband’s aunt turned to me and whispered, “Are we the only two who aren’t wearing makeup?”

I was surprised because I almost never wear makeup, even when I do wear makeup, which always slides off about 10 seconds after I go outside. So I said, “Does it matter?”

She — this formidable lady who has a PhD and is a khunying, by the way — said, “I myself don’t mind at all, but other people might think we don’t care about them!”

And then I realized that OMG I LOOK LIKE CRAP ALL THE TIME. I go out with my hair tied into listing bun looking like the Asian female version of the Scarecrow in the “Wizard of Oz,” but only if that Scarecrow is fat and has mosquito bites on her face. NO WONDER NO ONE LIKES ME. I AM BEING RUDE TO THEM EVERY DAY.

And then I remembered when my mother would yell at me for LOOKING LIKE CRAP right before we were due to go out to dinner or church or something (and then I remembered that she still does that, and that now when she makes me turn back and change into something else, she is doing that to a 41-year-old mother of two). “You look like you work in a factory”, she’d say, or “You’re not one of those women who can get away without wearing makeup.” I used to think this was a crazy Tiger Mother thing, but this morning at breakfast, I realized it was a Thai thing. You belong to everyone. You are not on your own.

Looking nice is an expression of concern for how an individual’s actions may negatively affect other people. It’s saying, “I made this effort for you, because you are important to me.” It’s a way to show the beauty and harmony that Thais are known for loving. “Land of Smiles,” right? Even when you don’t feel like smiling? It also explains all the times Thais tell you “You’ve gained weight!” or when my parents criticized my na bung (grouchy face, which, like Jay-Z’s, is my default facial expression. That is the only thing Jay-Z and I have in common. The end).

It was deeply confusing to me as a child, because in the US we are constantly indoctrinated with the message that “It’s my life” and “You do you”. Here, it is not unusual to hear “I’m sorry I look so som (unkempt)” or feel embarrassed for not bothering to dress up. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a different way of looking at the world. And it made me think, is it really so different in the West? Especially for women? When we try to lose weight, try to look pretty, try to smile, are we really doing it for ourselves?

This is a roundabout way to get to talking about street food centers, I know. But I think they are an arrangement that fits in well with the Thai penchant for community and pitching in together. Food centers are the way Singapore’s street food is organized, but I have to admit I am not a big fan of them. I think they dampen creativity and competition, two very marked characteristics of Thai street food. However, I can see them being the future for a lot of street food in Bangkok. There are a lot of informal arrangements between friendly vendors: you sell duck noodles, I’ll sell stuffed noodles, he sells drinks, let’s share tables and maybe our customers will buy stuff from all of us.

And there are the full-on food courts, which are like what you get in the department store, only outdoors. These, too, are usually connected to a market of some kind. This is where I found myself after asking someone — at a Swiss restaurant, no less — where to find the best som tum in Bangkok. “Go to the end of Sukhumvit Soi 23, past Baan Khanitha,” they said, and so there I was, completely bewildered because there was nothing like green papaya salad to be found.

When in doubt, ask a security guard. He told me to turn left at the end of the road, right before you get onto the campus of a local university. There, past a sign reading “Petch Asoke” (Asoke Diamond), is an outdoor market selling all the types of clothes one would find at Siam Square (in all the same sizes: -2 to 2). Past those clothes, way inside, is a food court with a surprisingly wide range of Thai street food: southern Thai curries, Chinese deep-fried pork on rice, soup noodles, and, yes, som tum alongside yum (Thai spicy salad), which tells me you can’t be Bangkok’s best som tum vendor because you’re hedging your bets.

There is, however, this lady:

vendor

At Sid Paak (084-006-7597), she sells different types of nam prik (chili dips) along with all the different fixings, which are the best part of the dish: hard-boiled eggs, every fresh and blanched vegetable in Thailand, deep-fried whatever. Seeing this, I’m into it already, because I love nam prik, and I love piling my plate high with everything I can find. The most popular dips she sells are nam prik long ruea (shrimp paste and sweet pork chili dip), nam prik goong sieb (grilled shrimp chili dip) and of course the ubiquitous nam prik gapi (shrimp paste chili dip), which is my favorite here and super tasty.

Selection of chili dips

Selection of chili dips

 

That said, I cannot pass up the khao kluk kapi (fried rice with shrimp paste), which comes with dried chilies, julienned green mango, sliced raw shallots, dried shrimp, Chinese sweet sausage and, in some cases, thin strips of omelet. Here it’s a utilitarian, stripped-down mishmash, but it sure beats dragging yourself all the way to Banglamphu just for the street food version of this fantastic (and largely unsung) dish.

 

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My boyfriend

I haven’t told my husband yet, but I have a boyfriend. If he knew, he would be more bewildered than anything else. Actually, the boyfriend would be pretty bewildered too. Because he doesn’t know he’s my boyfriend.

I have never met the man. I have never even been in the same room with him. He plays the guitar. He is American. He is male. That is as far as I can get before I become embarrassed and can’t talk about him anymore. But I listen to him every day, while I’m running on the treadmill. That is our time.

You probably think I’m talking about John Mayer, because he is a big American guitarist who also happens to be male. No. I would rather gouge my eardrums out with rusty scissors than listen to that man on my beloved treadmill. John Mayer is greasy stir-fry left to cool on a dirty countertop while the waitress picks her toes. Sorry, if you are a John Mayer fan. Yes, I know you think he is talented.

I’m talking about this guy:

Jack White

(I did not add the photo directly to the post because Karen says that’s stealing. So you have to click on the link. Sorry).

I look through photos of him sometimes to calm me, when I am procrastinating from doing something vitally important. My editor is really pleased about that. Jack White is probably the reason why my book will never be published. That is OK with me. I have several “favorite” photos. One is my absolute favorite because he is staring at the camera with the same skeptical expression I imagine he would use if he ever actually met me. Like he is a heartbeat away from calling security.

But my friends do not share this love for Jack White. When I show Karen a particularly fetching one of him holding a red umbrella, I get this reply via text:

KAREN: He looks like he’s on his period.

Oh, Karen. Maybe it’s a good thing we have vastly different tastes on these matters. She is an aberration, an outlier. But then I show my friend Patrick a photo over dinner, because I am back to being 11 years old and boring my friends at the lunch table about Duran Duran.

Patrick puts on his best Miss Marple voice: “After my womyn’s studies seminar I’ll go pick up Lily in the Subaru and head to the kd lang concert,” he says. This is utterly baffling. Last time I checked, Jack White seemed very male. In fact, his complete lack of enthusiasm for wearing underwear is one of the things that bothers me about him, if for no other reason than the fact that we all now know that he dresses to the left (does that mean he is a liberal?)

I feel like we are in an Alice in Wonderland world where Justin Bieber is a real catch and Adam Levine is a major league heartthrob who is not creepy in the slightest. What is going on? Why are people going on about things that are obvious and completely, utterly simplified, the tom yum noodle versions of humanity? There is no subtlety in a bowl of tom yum noodles. It doesn’t really require a lot of extra work to do well. Sometimes, all you need are the tom yum seasonings from a pack of instant noodles added to a bit of pork broth, and there you have it. Britney Spears in a bowl.

For my money, when I go anywhere, it’s all about yen ta fo. If you read here regularly, you already know about my fondness for them, but they really are my favorite soup noodles in the world — more than snoretastic pho, more than tired old ramen, and don’t even get me started on those poseur minced pork noodles, the Fall Out Boy of street food. Yen ta fo is hard to describe: plain rice noodles dressed up in a pork broth-based sauce liberally touched with red fermented tofu and chilies, pork and fish meatballs, bits of squid and congealed pig’s blood, and a whole handful of blanched morning glories. The very best bowls have deep-fried bits of pork crackling and garlic as garnishes. Through some strange culinary alchemy, these ingredients should all combine into a melange that is somehow spicy-tart-salty, and only a little bit sweet. Every bite shows something different, depending on what you get. It’s not always perfect or even good, but then again it’s not about making choices that are easy or simple.

Yet this all gets described on most menus as “red seafood noodles” or “pink noodles in sauce.”

An exemplary bowl of yen ta fo

An exemplary bowl of yen ta fo

 

The best bowl, the one I go to the most frequently when I want this dish, is Guaythiew Pik Gai Sai Nampung on Sukhumvit 20/1 (the alleyway between Sukhumvit Sois 20 and 18). This place is actually known for its chicken wing noodles, which can be too salty for some (present-day Eddie Van Halen). I prefer the “red seafood”, which may not, at first glance, look like what you’ve been waiting for, like that thing that will see you through an hour and change on the treadmill every day. But that just means that there’s more for me.

 

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Fantasy noodles

Clear broth fish noodles at Raan Lao Sa

Clear broth fish noodles at Raan Lao Sa

I have been even more useless than usual for the past week, because I am three years behind everyone else and have just started to get curious about this “erotic” book series where the romantic leads are an emotionally distant, manipulative weirdo and the needy, nondescript girl who worships him. No, not that one. The other one. The 50 Shades one. Mind you, I am not reading the book. I refuse to spend a single red satang on a book that is actually based on the other book but no one wants to admit it or even say it out loud. That is like having lunch in a crowded restaurant where someone at the table keeps farting and everybody still resolutely shoves food into their mouth-holes, even though farting at the table is absolutely disgusting. This is the best analogy I can muster for this book’s denial of that other book.

No, I am reading the recaps of the book, because this is the kind of world we live in now, where I can be completely immersed in the recaps of a book instead of in the actual book itself. The recaps I’m referring to are written by author Jenny Trout, and they are freaking brilliant, and have saved me from more than a couple of rage-strokes, as well as around $21 (not including shipping). Thank you, Jenny Trout.

My favorite observation of hers is when she notes the guy’s obsession with making sure the heroine cleans her plate every time they eat, going so far as to order everything for her himself. Of course, this isn’t interpreted as horrifyingly-creepy-borderline-serial-killer behavior at all. This man is just so full of concern for her, yinz guys. Why doesn’t a manly man who obviously knows better order my food for me? Oh yeah, because then I would be having my mug shot taken at the police station, having slammed his face into the tabletop 1,000 times. Seriously, don’t $%&* with my food. Which leads me to the next point: this dude is all about getting his lady to eat. Eat, eat, eat. Eat more! Just eat. They even have fights about it, where she’s all, nah, I’m a lady, so I never feel like eating, even though I’m hungry, and he’s all, this is for your own good, you’ve lost too much weight, eat it now. This is where the fantasy part comes in — because ladeez never be eatin’ enough, amirite? Ladeez always bein’ too skinny and shit. Get some meat on your bones, ladies! That’s all society wants! No wonder people read these books.

There is room in everyone’s life for some fantasy, but it’s still fantasy. Such as, say, television that will make you smarter. Or a billionaire 27-year-old into BDSM who is waiting to be healed by the love of a good woman. Or … fish noodles with plenty of flavor (segueway time). Because as lovely as fish noodles can be, the flavor they leave you with is most usually described as “subtle” or “delicate”, the kind of flavors that don’t necessarily blow you away, but leave you — if you’re lucky — comfortably sated and slightly smug, because you’ve just crammed your maw with lovely light fish instead of yucky, fat-laden beef or pork. As you might be able to tell, I’m not really crazy about fish noodles. I’ll eat them if they’re there but I won’t go out of my way for them. I guess I’d eat them if Christian Grey ordered them for me and I didn’t have the energy to murder him.

But at Raan Lao Sa, these noodles are good. Like, really good. As in, don’t-have-to-add-anything-to-the-broth good. Like every other Thai person on earth, I think I have the power to make a dish magically better by adding my own special blend of sugar, chilies and peanuts that is somehow better than everyone else’s and elevates that lowly bowl of noodles to the next level. So if I don’t add anything to a bowl, it’s a big deal.

Lao Sa is on the corner of Sunthon Kosa Road, at the Na Ranong intersection, next to the Klong Toey market and the big Rama IV-New Rachadapisek intersection. The sign is a big red and white one  that looks like this:

photo-271

Bowls go for 30-40 baht, depending on size, and the number of different permutations is considerable; you can mix and match between noodles (thick, little, vermicelli, giem ee or Chinese-style spaetzle, Shanghai or green mung bean noodles, or sen pla, noodles made entirely from fish), meatballs (white fish, rugby-sized fish, fried fish, shrimp, fish wontons, crispy wontons, and euaguay, flat slices of meatball that are either steamed or fried), and broth (sai or clear, tom yum, yen ta fo, or a beguiling mix of tom yum and yen ta fo).

I had clear fish broth with thin noodles and mixed meatballs, and unable to stop myself, fishmeat noodles in a tom yum or spicy lemongrass broth. They were both delicious, and even mitigated the fact I stomped full-on into a puddle of stanky water on the way there. Watch where you step! And clean your plate.

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