I choose my face

Pork leg on rice at Khao Kha Tungnung

If you are or have ever been in the vicinity of a middle-aged woman, it is likely you have heard the old adage that once a woman reaches a certain age, she must choose between her body and her face. If a woman chooses her body (and many do), she has a slim and toned physique at the expense of her face, which might end up looking a bit gaunt or hollow. A woman who chooses her face, well, you can imagine that must also come at some sort of price. The basic point is, every woman must pay. Unless you are Halle Berry, you can’t have both.

It has been pointed out to me a couple of times that I, too, am a woman. And, though I am no Helen of Troy, and my face only capable of launching a dinghy at best (and maybe a couple of rubber duckies), I, too, have had to make this onerous decision: my face or my body?

You know what I choose. And you would too, if you had any sort of brain. On the one hand, you starve and work and sweat in order to walk into a store and not have the salesgirl titter behind her hand when you ask her if they have your size. On the other, well, you are starving and working and sweating.  STARVING, mind you. Did I mention you are starving?

“Face” people have it easy. “Face” people can stuff their pieholes with anything they please, and then claim they are simply smoothing out their lines and incipient wrinkles via internal injections of delicious, unctuous fat. “Face” people have it all figured out. “Face” people are geniuses. I choose my face.

The best way to cultivate your youthfully plump visage? Why, fatty pig trotter (khao kha moo) on rice, obviously. Braised for two hours in pork broth, plopped atop a juice-soaked bed of white rice and paired with a handful of braised Chinese kale with a pinch of pickled mustard greens — this is the food that brings all the fat you could ever hope for. And if that fat ends up somewhere other than your face, well, try try again. It will get there eventually.

Across from Somerset on Sukhumvit 16, Khun Sasinee gets up at 5 in the morning and commutes from her home in Minburi in order to give her pig’s trotters enough time to soften before opening up shop at 8am. Until 2:30 in the afternoon, she serves portions of khao kha moo (broth in a bowl optional) to a steady stream of office workers and regulars drawn to her reliably fatty, filling food. With a pinch of fresh garlic and a fresh chili or two, her pork leg is reason enough to choose your face.